Sea of Gray, Rays of Light
by FrostySquid
Summary: It's funny how everything can change in a single moment. One moment everyone is laughing and happy. The next, filled with pain and loneliness. It's so quick, too fast to recognize that your life has changed. That's how I felt at that moment. Yaoi, Rated M
1. Chapter 1

Hey! I'm FrostySquid, this is my first time posting a story:) please don't hold back on me and tell me what you think, I want to know what you think even if it's bad. Especially if it's bad:) please tell me if you ind a mistake, or have a suggestion:)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Junjou Romantica or it's characters.

**Warning:** Contains yaoi (boyxboy) and sexual scenes. If you aren't into this sort of thing, please don't read. Rated M

Sunlight filtered in through the shades. It fell softly on Nowaki, lazily settling over his dark hair and chest. The golden light brushed over his handsome features, and I smiled to myself. He was so beautiful.

I shook the thought out of my head and sat up. He'd a late night shift that evening before, but it took talent to sleep in longer than I did. He overworked himself.

I began sliding out of bed when a large hand grasped me, and an arm wrapped around my bare waist. "Nowaki?" I asked, slightly surprised.

"Were you fake sleeping?" I accused. He chuckled. "Of course Hiro-san, I promised that we'd make love, but I fell asleep to fast last night." he said regrettably.

"Brat. It's not like it matters," I hissed. He smiled,

"That's good, cause we'll do it lots now." ...He was always so direct. I could feel my face flushing. Light, feathery kisses brushed against my neck and I could feel his lips turn into a grin.

"You're so cute, Hiro-san." He whispered, his voice low.

"Shut up." His hand reached around me and grasped at my dick. "Ahh..." I moaned softly as he began stroking it gently.

"Hiro-san? Does it feel good?" He questioned, one hand started twisting my nipple and I gasped. His hands were so hot as they ran across my body.

Quiet you, brats shouldn't talk so much." I hissed, my voice sounded strange.

"But look! Your so hard!" Nowaki grinned, palming my balls and running his tongue over my earlobe. I could hold back a moan. My ears were always sensitive. He suddenly pushes me forward onto my hands and knees. One of his huge hands squeezing my ass. I groaned at the feeling. I heard the sound of something opening behind my shoulders and not soon after, Nowaki slid a covered finger into my ass. His mouth ran over my ears and neck, his other hand massaging over my erect nipples.

"Nowaki!" I groaned, inadvertently I pushed my ass against his hand harder, trying to get more of that sweet feeling. Nowaki let out a moan from behind me as he rubbed his hot erection against the back of my ass while fingering me. Another finger entered me and I gasped.

"Hiro-san, your so amazing." Nowaki breathed, his voice husky and overwhelmed. "Shut u-" A thick moan took over me as his fingers hit a certain bundle of nerves straight on. I moaned. Then it was gone, I looked back at him. His eyes were filled with lust and one of his large hands was rubbing over his cock. Spreading lube all over it.

"Ready?" Nowaki asked, he was breathing heavily. I let out the tiniest nod, abandoning my pride for the moment. I gasped, a heavy moan being torn from my body. His thick dick pushed against my entrance, slipping inside me. I moaned into the pillow. Nowaki tried to control himself, breathing heavily as he let me adjust to his large size.

I gave another tiny nod and he began a slow thrust. I moaned, my fingers curling into the sheets. "Nowaki!" I cried, my voice breathless.

"So tight..." He moaned, thrusting into me again. It was overwhelming. Nowaki thrust into me again and again, gradually it became harder and faster. "Hiro-san, Hiro-san, Hiro-san," He moaned. My climax was coming, I could feel it pooling in my stomach, and my cock hurt in an exhilarating way. I moaned again.

"...ah, ah Nowa.. Nowaki... Touch me..." I groaned, my cock aching for his warm hands. One hand slide forward and began pumping my dick mercilessly. I moaned loudly, thoughts of pride gone. He thrusted hard into me, pounding into my tender opening. Faster and faster he thrusted, they became uneven and hotter as I felt him rising to his climax. "Together he moaned. I couldn't even nod, my heated moan was his reply. He thrusted hard and fast, moaning all while pumping my sick. My back arched up, my walls clamping down around him as I let out a final scream. "NOWAKI!" I moaned. At the same time he came inside me, his hot semen dripping down my thighs, his voice chorusing my name in a throaty moan.

We both slumped onto the bed, he was especially exhausted from his later shift. He quickly fell back into a deep rest.

I rose from bed again and after quickly cleaning up, picked some clothing from my side of the dresser. Nowaki sighed gently from across the room, I looked over to see him reaching his arms across the sheets for the missing me.

I almost chuckled. Almost. I smirked slightly and went to make us breakfast. I wasn't nearly as good as Nowaki was, but I was decent enough to make a satisfying breakfast. Half an hour later, the table was filled with hot food and Nowaki was stumbling out of bed.

He rubbed his eyes and stared at the feast for two. "Hiro-san? Did you make this for me? It's my favorite!" He exclaimed, a huge grin spreading across his face.

"Of course not," I huffed. "I just felt like testing out my cooking skills."

He only laughed, I turned away from his obviously pleased face, scowling. "I love you, Hiro-san." Nowaki whispered, wrapping his huge arms around my waist. I smacked at them and growled. Another laugh sounded at my ear, he kisses my cheek and then sat. Eagerly, he began devouring the good I had set out. Still turned away, I smiled. Just a little, hidden smile.

We were both off from work that day and Nowaki was begging for a walk. I could almost see the lovey-dicey scene he was imagining in his head. No way that was ever going to happen.

We walked through the park, cold snow falling gently all around us. Nowaki gave me a side glance which I ignored. Trying to be subtle, he slipped his hand into mine. "Moron, what the hell are you doing? We're in public!" hissed at him, yet I didn't pull my hand away from his. It felt so warm as his skin covered mine. Nowaki just grinned at me, squeezing my hand a tinny bit. What an idiot.

We walked through the empty park. Snow swirling gently around us, his warm hand in mine, a frightening thought struck my mind. I could stay like this for forever. I shook my head violently, trying to dislodge it and ignoring Nowaki's questioning look. My hair falling over my face, shielding me from his peering eyes. I let a small, tiny smile pass my lips.

"Hiro-san..." Nowaki said, suddenly he grabbed my face tilting it upwards and he kissed me. Thrusting his tongue in my mouth. He sucked on my bottom lip, running his tongue along the soft skin. Then he deepened the kiss once again, exploring the inside of my mouth. I sighed into him, enjoying the strokes of his tongue inside my mouth.

"Hiro-san, I kinda want to go home now," his eyes were filled with love and excitement. I could feel a bulge in his pants as he pressed against me.

I felt heat run across my face. "Make up your mind, moron. Home or walk." I said trying to fill my voice with exasperation.

"Home!" Nowaki chirped happily. "Brat..." I muttered. He smiled and kissed the top of my head. "Your so cute Hiro-san." He sighed, content for a second.

Suddenly, his eyes sparkled with mischief. "Let's run!" He yanked me by the hand, sprinting along the path back home.

"Too fast!" I shouted, my legs struggling to keep pace with his long ones. He laughed, "Hiro-san, hurry!" What a brat.

The streets became more busy as we got closer to our apartment, people stared as we ran. I could hear them whispering. I closed my eyes tightly for a second, my pride was crashing down on me.

"Nowaki! Let go!" I snarled, my feet coming to a stop. I was breathing hard. "We are in publ-" My words were cut off as Nowaki's eyes widened. He slammed into me, knocking the breath straight out of me. That's when the car collided into us, Nowaki's head snapping back against the truck, mine coming forward. It happened so fast, my mind seemed to register the world slowing as we both fell. Should I be in pain? There was none. My arms and legs wouldn't move.

"Nowaki?" I breathed, rising my head just a tiny bit. My vision was blurring. "Nowaki?" My only answer was silence. I could barely see his form now, something dripping into my eyes. "Answer me, Nowaki!" I croaked, my voice breaking. Tears leaked from my eyes. Where was that stupid grin? My world became a sea of red and black after that. I fell into oblivion as my consciousness faded, a single thought laid in my head as the world faded. Nowaki. Nowaki. Nowaki. Then I was completely gone.

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Please leave a review and I'll put a new chapter up real soon, Thank you!:)


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys! Thank you so much for reading! I really appreciate it. This next chapter switches from Hiro to Nowaki. Trust me, you'll be able to tell when... If you can't, then please pm me...

**Warning:** No sexual scenes, but light language. Will be sexual scenes in later chapters though...:)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own.

*Chapter 2*

Injuries

Sheets rustled. My body ached. Pain laced through my head especially. I could only lay there, my mouth wouldn't work. It was so dry. Something was covering my eyes and forehead. Gauze, maybe? Footsteps came in.

"Hello?" I asked, huskily. My voice felt strange. "Hello, Kamijou-san. I'm your nurse, the doctor will see you shortly. Please wait patiently." A young female voice said. I nodded in reply.

"Is this a hospital?" I asked, slightly unsure.

"Yep. Sure is, you were hit by an oncoming car as you crossed the street." She said sweetly. "Oh! Here's the doctor." She then walked out the door, another pair walking in.

"Hiroki Kamijou," A deep voice said, obviously male. "You have a broken rib and collar bone, heavy bruising along your back, and a slight concussion. Then there's your eyes." He sighed.

"What's wrong with them?" I asked, on edge.

"Your eyesight is permanently gone." The doctor said, braced for the worst reaction. He didn't get one. Instead, a thought brushed through my head.

"Nowaki! Where's Nowaki? Is he alright?" I gasped urgently.

"Nowaki is still unconscious, I haven't checked on him since his condition was considered stable. Did you hear what I said, Kamijou-san?" The doctor said, his voice gentle.

I nodded. "Yeah, yeah. You said my eye sight would be permently gone." Permently? Did I just say permently? My eyesight... That meant I was blind... "Permently..." I whispered, a sob gathering in my throat. That meant, even when these damned bandages came off, the world would still be black.

Nowaki was hurt and unconscious, my world was an endless black sky. It was crashing down on me, crushing me to tiny pieces.

"May I please be alone for a moment." I whispered, my voice strangely small, my fingers curled in the bed sheets. I grasped onto them, trying to ground myself firmly into this world.

I vaguely heard the doctor leave. The second the door clicked shut, a muffled sob escaped me. Could I never read again? Or grade a students paper? Nowaki... I wish he was here. But he was lying unconscious in another hospital bed. Sorrow engulfed me, and sobs wracked through my body.

Gray. That's what he felt like. Simple endless gray color. He opened his eyes, staring blankly at the white ceiling. Where was he? A nurse walked in. "Hello, Nowaki-san!" She smiled cheerfully. He looked at her, slightly confused.

"Hello," Nowaki said politely.

"How're you feeling? Sensei said you only had a broken collar bone and light bruises." She said, quite happily.

"I'm fine, thank you." He smiled kindly back at her.

"Do you remember the accident? You hit your head back then, you might have a slight memory loss for the time being." She asked, concerned.

"Accident?" Nowaki was confused. There it was again. That bleak, lifeless gray. So empty so huge.

"Nowaki Kusama, how're you doing?" A doctor said, striding in. Nowaki didn't answer, staring blankly at the man. "Nowaki?" The doctor questioned.

"Eh? Are you talking to me?" Nowaki asked, thoroughly puzzled.

"Yes... Are you alright Nowaki?" He asked, suddenly slightly concerned. That concern was quickly growing at Nowaki's blank look.

"My name is Nowaki Kusama?" He asked timidly. Both the nurse and the doctor stared at him, concern and pity laced into their features.

"It seems your condition is worse than we thought, Nowaki." The doctor sighed. "One patient blind, the other loses his memories. What a harsh day."

"Blind? Poor guy, I feel sorry for him." Nowaki said, frowning. Both the doctor and nurse nodded their heads in agreement. Right then a figure burst through the door.

"Nowaki! Are you alright?" He gasped. "I heard what happened!"

"Um... Excuse me, but who are you?" Nowaki asked, still blank faced.

"It seems he has no memory, sir." The nurse explained, bowing her head in apology.

"Oh..." The man sighed. "I'm Tsumori, we're coworkers here at the hospital."

"Coworkers?" Nowaki asked, confusion riddled on his face.

Suddenly an idea struck in Tsumori's head. "Yep, but this may come as a shock to you. We _are _also lovers." He lied, smirking.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey, here is the newest chapter of Seas of Gray, Rays of Light! I hope you are all enjoying it:) The chapter was kinda short, sorry bout that.

**Warning:** Boys love, but sadly no sexual content in this chapter. Don't worry, it's coming soon:) Some language. **  
**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Junjou Romantica or the characters.

*Chapter 3*

Break down

I was torn to pieces. No more writing, no more literature, no more watching Nowaki's adorable expressions and idiotic grins. It all came crashing down on me, tears poured down my face. Life was so cruel, so very cruel.

The door was creaking open, hurriedly, I wiped the tears from my cheeks. At least the bandages covered my surely red eyes.

My pride would never let me cry in front of another, save Nowaki.

"Who is it?" I growled, irritably.

"Don't be like that, Kamijou." A smirking voice chimed. He recognized that tone, that annoyingly fake voice.

"Tsumori." I snarled. One of the last people I wanted to see, especially in this broken state.

"Be kind, be kind." He said, playfully cheery. "Now I'm sure you want to hear all about your lovely boyfriend, don't you?" His face held a smirk I couldn't see.

"Nowaki?" I whimpered, my voice breaking. "How is he?"

"He'll survive, a broken collarbone a few bruises. That and he lost his entire memory." Tsumori said, his lips turned up in a cold, cruel smile.

"And that's why I'm visiting you. You can never see a situation realistically, your damned ego gets in the way. Luckily, I've taken it upon myself to enlighten you."

"I don't need some fucked up enlightenment from a brat like you. Now leave." I could sense a storm coming, I was afraid. Something inside me was was bristling against his words. I was already crushed, please don't destroy me.

"I heard about your condition. Your blindness. I'll be frank, it's stolen your everything. Think about it, you won't be able to teach anymore, you can't even get a real job. If you stay with Nowaki you'll drag him down. He doesn't need you, he doesn't even know you exist. What can you give him?"

I was silent, his words striking me over and over again like bone breaking punches. Slowly I was cracking at the seams. I could feel it. My resolve dissolving, my soul sinking.

Tsumori continued relentlessly. "Do you think he'll want to take care of you? He's too nice to say no. You'll ruin his job. Don't kid yourself, your gonna end up destroying Nowaki. Sure, he'd give up everything for you, he's that kind of guy. The question is, are you gonna take away his everything, just for your selfishness?"

Stop it. I don't want to hear anything else, can't you see your killing me? The last thing I had was slipping through my fingers with every word he said. He only continued his tirade, unaware of my inner thoughts.

"Especially when it was your fault." I turned my head towards him, horror dripping from my features.

"Your the one who stopped in the middle of the road. If you had kept running, none of this would have happened."

Had I? I had, hadn't I. Was this all really my fault? The sheets seemed too heavy on his skin, the air to hard in his lungs, the bandages constricting the life from him.

"Your lucky though. Nowaki will never have to know any of this pain, all you have to do is disappear. Simple really." Then the voice was gone, Tsumori slipping back into the recesses of the hospital.

Minutes passed as I slowly processed his words. Cracks were forming on my walls of pride and egoism. I wanted him so badly, but Nowaki deserved someone so much better than a blind demon.

Inside, I broke. Huge waves of sobs overruled my senses and I crashed down across my pillows. I couldn't feel my aching ribs or throbbing head. All I felt were the waves of pain and sorrow resounding throughout me. It was pounding me into nothing.

Everything was gone.

Nowaki had to stay at the hospital for a couple of days while they ran tests. Tsumori constantly visited, bringing presents or food. They talked about work and medical theories. Nowaki found that he easily understood medics, though didn't understand how.

Tsumori was nice, he could easily see them as friends. But as lovers? Maybe not. He felt he was missing something. A huge piece of the puzzle, hidden within waves of gray. As much as he delved into his nonexistent memories, all he met up with was that gray gray color.

"Tsumori, how long have we been together for?" Nowaki asked, he was curious.

"A couple months, not too long."

"Have we ever had sex?" Nowaki asked, before realizing that was rather too direct.

Luckily, Tsumori just laughed. "Of course." He smiled at Nowaki, and Nowaki returned it half-heartedly. The problem was he felt no attraction towards Tsumori. Instead, it just felt wrong. Even disgusting.

"I'm kinda tired so I'm going to go to sleep now." Nowaki apologized with a bashful smile.

Tsumori nodded and exited. Nowaki closed his eyes and laid back, trying to relax his thoughts.

There is was again. Something nagging at the back of his head. It was hidden within the sea of gray, masked from him. It remained in the folds of mist, tightly buried. The thought burning across his mind, Nowaki slowly fell asleep.

He was running, his skin felt cold against the snow and rushing wind. Something was tightly grasped his hand, something precious. He was yanked to a stop, he faintly sensed a voice yelling at him.

He peered at the person, but couldn't see him. The world was smudged black around him, the only lights the white snow and the warmth in his hand. He needed to see the person, he reached out to grab them. He had to see that face, he pulled the figure into his arms. That was when something slammed into them. Then everything was gone.

Nowaki woke up from his dream in a cold sweat. Was that a dream of the accident? Who was that person? He couldn't see or hear them, only feel their small warm hand in his. Desperation clawed through him, but he only butted up against that horrid gray as he tried to remember.

"How're you feeling Nowaki?" The nurse asked, entering. He smiled at her.

"Perfectly fine, thank you for asking." She giggled at his ever present politeness.

"I have a question, though." He said. "Was their another person in the accident with me?"

"I believe so, that patient was released yesterday." The nurse said, thinking it over.

"Oh..." Nowaki sighed, clearly disappointed. "Could you give me their contact information?" He asked hopefully.

"No, sorry doll. We can't hand out information like that." The nurse apologized.

"No, no, sorry for asking." He said, treating her to a wide grin. Was this mystery person important to him? It might even be Tsumori.

Nowaki was now even more confused.

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Thank you for reading:) to let everyone know, this story will have about ten chapters. Maybe even eleven. So please stick around, cause it's only gonna get better!

Also, thank you all for reviewing! You have no idea how much it means to me when I see all your reviews. It makes me extremely happy, thank you so much!


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you all for reading! I hope everyone is enjoying it.

**Warning: **Gay love!:) yay!

**Disclaimer: **Not mine:( Boo!

*Chapter 4*

A smidgen of pink

Usami-san had visited me in the hospital. As much as I tried to hide the pathetic broken down state I was in, he could see through it. Thankfully, he didn't comment. My pride was grateful for that. He had came to visit me the day before, Misaki trailing in his wake. I didn't want to listen to their love bird rants. It was like pouring salt on my fresh wounds.

Usami-san seemed to grasp that slightly, he seemed more reserved. He offered to let me stay with Misaki and him, but I instantly refused. I didn't want company.

That was when a new fabulous idea stuck in his head. He'd buy me a apartment near his and Misaki's. Usami-san insisted on paying the rent and I was too worn down to give a real fight.

And that's how I ended up in this lonely, dark apartment. There was a small kitchen, living room, and bedroom with a conjoined bathroom. No books lined the walls in huge towers, or littered across the floor. The only footsteps were my own light, stumbling ones, not Nowaki's heavier ones. I wondered what the inside looked like.

I let the walls guide me through the house, leading me to each room. Slowly, I learned how to walk properly in the house. It was difficult. I fell, slipped, cursed and swore. Still, I impressed myself.

There was seven steps from the couch to the table, eight down the hall, then a right turn, four steps to the bed. It was a tiny map inside my head.

Last week the doctor had removed the bandages from around my head and eyes, my bruises were almost completely gone and my ribs didn't hurt half as bad.

On the outside, I was slowly healing. Bouncing back. On the inside, I was completely empty. Every action of mine completely meaningless, there was no emotion left in my body. No passion.

Once in awhile, Usami or my parents visited. I'd pull on my fake mask and act like the man I once was. I would scream at them, yelling I was fine and screeching like I used to do. Maybe, a trace of my Kamijou pride still bound me to the earth. Otherwise, I would have been released and floated high in the sky by now.

A ghost of a smile crossed my lips at that thought. A knock sounded at the door. Begrudgingly, I answered it.

"What do you want, Usami." I growled.

"Drinking, of course." His deep voice rumbled. With that he pranced in. "Come on, I'll find you some matching clothes."

I let him have his fun dressing me like a doll, then we were on the road. Zooming by in his little red sports car. He chattered on about nonsense, probably about some quirk of Misaki's. I faced my head towards the open window, letting the wind wash over me.

Before I knew it, we were at the bar. "Step up over that, and here is a seat for you." He said, touching my hands to the chair. I have him a curt nod of thanks.

"Two drinks." Usami ordered. "Now talk." He demanded.

"About?" I said, wearily.

"Your giant of a lover, of course." He slid a glass in my hands and I gulped down the alcohol inside it.

"I don't want to. I'm still... Not sure about anything. I don't know what to think anymore." I said. Normally, I'd never talk about anything with Usami, but I was torn down. Desperate for any form of comfort.

"I know, but Misaki made me promise I'd make you feel better." Usami said, sighing. "He threatened to give me the silent treatment if I didn't." Selfish prick.

"Asshole." I retorted, gulping down another glass. "As if you care."

"I do, you are one of my childhood friends." Usami said, patting me on the back.

"Sure. Sure." I grunted, my glass was refilled and I gulped it down quickly. Usami waited, filling my glass again and again. He knew I'd spill eventually. And I did.

"I'm just a burden to him. I'm in his way. I don't want to hurt him." I finally sighed, my dead eyes stinging with tears. My damned Kamijou pride wouldn't let them fall.

"Why? Blind sex is fun." Usami asked, confused.

"It's not about sex, idiot! Nowaki has his life and I used to have mine. I don't want to suck him into caring for me for the rest of my life." I was almost sobbing, but I bit into my arm to calm down my raging emotions.

"I don't understand it, but I can almost see your point. Maybe" Usami mused. "But I'd still want Misaki even if he was blind."

"That's cause your a sex addict. Period. Nowaki was always so impressed by me, by how hard I worked. I'm ashamed of letting him see me now." I downed more alcohol. My head was feeling strange and I stood up suddenly, swaying slightly.

"I wanna go home now," I announced. Usami agreed and we drove home. Back to the empty, still apartment.

Nowaki had been released from the hospital the previous day. Tsumori driving him to his apartment, telling him his plans about their date tomorrow. Nowaki had hesitantly agreed, not sure how to politely decline the offer. He didn't want to hurt his 'boyfriend'.

Nowaki unlocked and opened the door, meeting a surprise. There were a huge amount of books lining the walls. Bookcases were everywhere, chalk full of different sizes of books. Nowaki didn't think he was a heavy reader, but the image made him out to be. Did he read often? His gut told him no. But why were there so many books?

He explored further, there were a number of empty picture frames lying around. That was strange too, why where there no pictures? He entered 'his' bedroom. The large bed seeming lonely, it's sheets tousled.

Nowaki laid down on the sheets, exhausted from the long day. He breathed in the scent remaining in the cloth. It smelled of swear and dimly of sex, and just a hint of something sweeter. Did he and Tsumori really have sex her? In this bed?

Nowaki pressed his face deeper in the soft cloth. No, he was sure they didn't. It didn't smell like Tsumori in here at all, it was a sweet scent. A beautiful one.

He felt calmed by the gently, sweet smell and fell into a light sleep. Then the dreams came.

It was a soft dream. Nowaki's lips were pressed against the back of soft brown hair, his arms wrapped around a thin graceful figure. The smaller man's skin was so smooth and pale. A slight sheen of sweat covered him, the result making him seem like he was slightly glowing.

"I love you," Nowaki murmured softly against the back. He murmured the words over and over again. The reply was quiet, voice trembling just slightly.

Embarrassment and love hidden in the word muttered back. "Idiot." A beautiful blush of pink flushed over his skin. It went all the way up to his ears and the back of his neck.

It was so beautiful, a feast for Nowaki's eyes. He wanted to see that pink stained face so badly, what did this beautiful creature look like? Turn around, turn around, he begged inside his head. The angel never did. Instead the dream faded away, leaving cold emptiness behind.

In his sleep, tears rolled down Nowaki's face. Where was his beautiful creature?

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Hope you liked it:) the next chapter will have a sex scene, so look forward to tomorrow:) Thank you so much to those who have reviewed, followed or favorites! It makes me so happy to know you all are enjoying my story. Thank you!


	5. Chapter 5

Just thought I'd let you guys know, this is one of my favorite chapters:) I hope you feel the same!

**Warning: **This has sexual content in it and is rated M, if you dislike than do not read.

**Disclaimer: **The wonderfuat love story of Nowaki and Hiro is sadly not mine. All I have is an imagination and a way to share it. Please enjoy:)

Chapter 5

Just a Glimpse

Distractions. That's what I needed so badly. Anything to keep my mind away from the bittersweet thought of Nowaki. It hurt far to bad. I had started learning Braille, buying new books to practice the strange writings with.

It was a welcomed, the new distraction. When I was to distracted to read my books, I drank. Alcohol provided by Usami.

I had to do something. Anything. Sometimes I took walks through the nearby park, guided by my kind hearted neighbors.

Whenever their children had the urge to play in the snow, they'd come knocking on my door. Her name was Emi Daisuke. She'd drag me out, linking her arm in mine. Her husband and their three young children parading behind the woman.

She had built a tolerance towards my attacking words and considered me a friend. Her children hated me, and the legend of Kamijou the devil was reborn with the new generation.

And I cared for none of it. My insults were hollow, my anger fake. My actions held no strength, I was truly pathetic. If Nowaki saw me now, he'd surely be disappointed. Not that I'd ever let him see me again.

Emi had left me alone on a bench for a moment, chasing a fleeing child. I turned my face towards the cold wind. Snow blew against my skin, chilling it. I shivered delicately. My thin jacket not keeping the biting breeze away from my skin.

"Kamijou, we're ready to leave. Are you ready?" Emi asked. I nodded, and she linked her arm through mine. Patting my arm, she began leading the parade home. The snow began falling harder, softly landing on my skin. A fleeting image of Nowaki, laughing and smiling, flew through my head. I choked back a sob.

Nowaki walked slowly towards the subway entrance. Snow crunching under his feet. Since the dream a few days earlier, no other memories had made an appearance. He had no more details on the mysterious man.

He was sure about a few things. One, Tsumori wasn't in any way, shape or form attractive to him. Two, he was desperately in love with the beautiful man lost among his memories. Three, that same man had been in the same accident as he had and had a love for books. And lastly, he needed, more than anything, to find him.

His life was so bleak, overwhelmed by the gray. Then there was that light blush of pink, the tiny bit of light in the darkness. It stained pale, glistening skin, and the lush brown hair pressed against his lips.

The thought gave him chills, made him so content. He had to reclaim that little piece of light. It was his one and only ambition.

A slight smile grazed his lips as he tried to guess what the beautiful man was like. He had seemed so cute and fragile, yet also so tough.

Nowaki's grin grew, and the wind blew against his face, pushing back his mop of black hair. That was when it happened. A person striding the opposite way, his face covered by hair as wind and snow pulled it forward. Small and petite, wrapped in a heavy scarf and light jacket. A women was linked to his arm, a wave of people trailing behind the two. But that hair, that hair was the same from his memories.

Chocolate brown, lush and thick brown locks. Snow had spotted across the color. They blew across his face, covering his features.

Nowaki froze. It was him, the beautiful man from his dream, his memories. He spun around to chase after him, but the man had been swallowed by the huge crowd. Nowaki pushed through the people, trying to catch a glimpse of his beloved. There was nothing. The light had once again disappeared into the sea of gray.

Nowaki let out a muffled, choking sob. So close, yet so far.

Tsumori was frustrated to say the least. He'd already chased of Kamijou, and was Nowaki's boyfriend (self titled) but he wasn't getting any reaction from Nowaki. Nowaki always cancelled their dates last minute, and never seemed happy to see Tsumori.

Whenever the giant had seen Kamijou, he'd run over and give him a huge hug. Glee had always been written over all his features. Now he seemed lost, constantly distracted. As if there was always something one his mind. That was when Nowaki stormed into the office.

"Tsumori?" He called out. Looking for his missing coworker.

"Hey Nowaki! How's it going?" Tsumori said, charming Nowaki with a smile.

"Who was in that accident with me? I have to know." Nowaki begged. Fear laced through Tsumori as he heard those words. Then he had a horrid idea.

He stared at the ground for a moment, feigning sadness. "His name was Hiroki, you two were best friends. I didn't want to tell you cause... Cause he died in the accident." Tsumori said, pushing his hands over his face. He waited for Nowaki's reaction. It wasn't what he expected.

A fist crashed into the side of Tsumori's head, knocking him to the ground. Tsumori stared at the seething giant above him.

"Don't lie to me, I saw him today. For just a single second. Tell me, where is he? I need to find him." Nowaki growled.

Tsumori stared at him in shock. "I really don't know where he's gone." He mumbled, and he really didn't. Nowaki sighed and offered Tsumori a hand.

"I'm sorry. That was rash and irresponsible for me to do. Please forgive me." Nowaki apologized, sincerely. Tsumori wordlessly nodded, still shocked by the irregular behavior.

Nowaki slumped onto his couch. It had been another long day at work. Tsumori had obviously been lying to him for God knows why and he'd gotten a glimpse of his precious Hiroki. Hiroki. Hiroki. Hiroki. He ran the name over his tongue again and again.

"Hiro-san, you're so cute." A memory whispered into his head. A image at the edge of his conscious. He focused on it, trying to remember. Then it filled his mind, bright and full of color.

"Hiro-san, you're so cute." Nowaki whispered, he was panting slightly as he watched Hiro-san. He was so beautiful and cute. Hiro-san's chest rose and fell as he breathed heavily. Sweat ran down his skin, making it look glossy and shimmery. A red blush covering his cheeks, his brown eyes half massed and cloudy. Passion filled them, matched with love for Nowaki. He was sitting on top of Nowaki, his hands spread across his chest, Nowaki's cock penetrated deep inside of him. So beautiful.

The locks of hair were damp with sweat, falling gently into Hiro-san's face as he leaned forward. He panted, a moan leaving his lips. Slowly, Hiro-san began moving. Sliding up and down on Nowaki's member. Nowaki bit back on his own moans, trying to catch every sound Hiro-san made. Hiro-san's moans grew louder as he began moving faster, impaling himself harder and further on Nowaki.

"Hiro-san, you're so tight." Nowaki moaned, his hands stroking Hiro-san's thighs. He watched as his cock disappeared into Hiro-san again and again. Hiro-san moved faster, his moans becoming louder and louder. Hiro-san's member stood straight in the air, incredible hard. One of Nowaki's hands grabbed at Hiro-san's ass, the other pumping his dick.

"Nowaki..." Hiro-san moaned, grinding against him. "Oh, Hiro-san." Nowaki replied in his own moan of pleasure. He couldn't hold back any longer, pulling Hiro-san's hips down hard meeting them with his own thrust. He hit Hiro-san's prostrate straight on.

"AH! Nowaki!" Hiro-san cried out, "I'm go-"

"Not yet," Nowaki groaned, grabbing the base of his dick so he couldn't cum. Hiro-san moaned, his small hands covering Nowaki's big, hot one. Nowaki thrusted harder into Hiro-san, pulling him down into every thrust. Pleasure courses trough both their veins. Nowaki came suddenly, spilling into Hiro-san, Hiro-san moaned loudly as he rode the wave of pleasure. He came too, his cum splattering across Nowaki's abdomen and his own thighs. He slumped on too of Nowaki, panting hard. Completely satisfied.

Nowaki pulled himself gently out of Hiro-san and wrapped his arms around his lover. Nestling his face against Hiro-san's soft brown hair, Nowaki soon drifted away away into sleep, the memory ending.

Nowaki was panting, his erection pushing against his pants as he recalled the memory. It was perfectly clear to him. He needed his Hiro-san.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Thank you all for the reviews! I cannot tell you how much I love each and every one of them! They are whain spirited me to get the next chapter to you guys:) Please keep them coming cause I love them!

Also, just a short word. In my love scenes I try to have an edge of beauty and or serene feeling. I guess I'm trying to make it more heart felt than the norm. If you guys can kinda feel that, I'd greatly appreciate it if you'd let me know, over PM or reviews. If you don't, than I'd like to hear your feed back anyway. Thanks again to all my readers!


	6. Chapter 6

Sooo guys:) I hope you enjoyed the last chapter. I put lots of hard work into it. Thanks for all the reviews, I seriously love them! My favorite was from Blaysers, thanks! I'm always trying to improve, so yours really made me happy:)

Sorry no sex in this one, and here's the next chapter...

**Warning: **Not much to be warned about in this chapter...

**Disclaimer: **Not mine:/

Chapter 6

Old Friends

It had been a little over a month since the accident. Nothing had changed, only that I could now walk to the park by myself. Provided it was late and the streets were near empty. Also I had the aid of my seeing eye stick.

The bitter cold distracted me from my cruel thought and I could almost enjoy the fresh air. Almost. I tried so hard to forget Nowaki, yet I also clung so fervently to his memories. They were my strength, but also my greatest sorrow. My hugest loss.

I sat in my usual bench, absorbing the world around me. I tapped my cane lightly against the ground, despite not being in motion. Once in awhile, a pair of footsteps would pass by me. I'd listen to the unique pattern of every person. It was slightly interesting, but not really.

Someone approached me, I'd heard their foot falls in the past. Still, I pretended not to notice. One of the ups of being blind, you could ignore most people very easily.

"Hello," The stranger said. Maybe I could pretend to be deaf too... I decided against the idea.

"Hello," I replied, not happy at all with the interruption. I enjoyed silence.

"What're you called?" He asked, his voice polite.

"Why the hell should I tell you, bastard. You don't just run up and talk to people on random." I said, my Kamijou pride flaring. "Get lost, brat."

He laughed. "You sure have spunk!" His tone was happy. "My name is Sora, Sora Takashima. May I ask what your name is, sir?" He tried again. Brats irritated me, trying to be all cute and adorable. Only Nowaki was those things. He was also an idiot and a moron.

"No, you may not." I growled. I stood from my bench and strode down the sidewalk, my seeing eye stick gliding across the ground. He laughed, I could sense his eyes staring at my retreating back. "Brat" I murmured to myself.

The next time I went to the park, he was there again. Sitting on my bench, intruding on my space. I pretended I didn't notice the sounds of his breathing and the soft rustling of fabric, I sat and began reading the book is brought. Running my fingers over the small bumps.

"You can read Braille. That's impressive." Sora said.

"Since it's so uncommon for a blind man to be unable too." I retorted in sarcasm.

"Hey, hey, no need to get moody." He teased. "Is it normal for the blind to be moody?"

"Sorry, you idiot. That would be my personality." I hissed. He pissed me off, why did I have to be tortured by spoiled brats.

"How long have you been blind?" Sora asked, shifting on the bench.

"Since last month." I replied curtly.

"Last month?!" He replied in surprise. "Oh God, now I feel like a total asshole. I must have been picking at fresh wounds. I'm so sorry, sir." He sounded deeply upset. There was a slight pang in my heart, he sounded exactly like Nowaki when he apologized.

I laughed harshly. "You really think some brats words are going to hurt my feelings? Rethink, moron."

Short little footsteps came up to me, a small had yanking on my leg.

"Is that Aira?" I asked the little hands pulling at my pants. Aira was one of Emi's children.

"Wow, Kamijou-san. You're really cool! Momma say you sitting here and told me to ask you if you wanted to walk home with us. We went grocery shopping earlier!" Her high voice chirped, moving at light speed. "My brother was too scared to come ask you, he said you were a devil! Kamijou the devil! Don't worry, I'm not scared if you," I hated brats. I tuned out here mindless chatter and stood up.

"You should be scared of me, little brat." I muttered to myself. Sora was laughing at the whole conversation. "Fine, lead on to your mother." I grunted to Airi, eager to leave Sora behind.

"See you next time, Kamijou the devil!" He called to me as I walked away. I sighed. What a idiot.

I helped Emi carry bags back to her own apartment, then disappeared into my own. The still silence calming my nerves, my fragile facade coming down within the safety of my home.

No more pretending to be angry and making jabs at brats. Only my empty heart to match my empty apartment. I bet Nowaki's footsteps were heavy, yet also gentle. I'd never listen to them before so I couldn't imagine what it'd be like for him to waltz around in this apartment.

I flipped down onto the couch, tears biting at my eyes.

"Nowaki," I murmured to myself. I imagined his huge warm hands petting my head like he always used to do. His stupid comments of how cute his 'Hiro-san' is. That idiotic grin.

Tears on my face and a hole in my heart, I feel asleep. Shivering into the couch.

Nowaki had hit a dead end. For at least a month nothing about Hiroki, Hiro-san, had surfaced. No sweet memories, no glances, not even a whisper of the sacred name. Everyday, he walked around the area he'd previously seen Hiro-san, hoping he'd find the man. There was no such luck.

Depression had settled in. If only he had a tiny bit more information, anything at all. He was becoming hopeless.

Nowaki trudged through his daily tasks, not quite sure what to do on his day off. He wondered what him and Hiro-san had done. Maybe go on dates, or maybe made love for hours on end. That brought a delighted smile to his face.

He only had three memories of his precious Hiro-san. Their steamy love making, a sweet cuddle scene, and the hazy blurred accident. Nowaki's memory was blank past then, the ever present sea of gray.

Sighing, Nowaki went to the fridge. His wish for a snack was disappointed by the lack of food. He could go shopping. That would take up some time.

Half an hour later, he was browsing through the vegetable section, trying to determine which leafy green looked fresher.

"Nowaki? Is that you?" A deep voice asked. Nowaki looked up.

It was a tall man, almost as tall as himself. He looked older and had black hair, and a cigarette clenched between his teeth. His bag was stuffed full of cabbages.

"Um... Yes, I'm Nowaki. May I ask who you are?" Nowaki asked, unsure of himself.

"Hmm? You're acting strange, you've forgotten me? How cruel!" He whined. Nowaki didn't seem flustered at all. "Sheesh, you're no fun." The strange man mumbled. "Miyagi, I'm Miyagi. Remember?"

"Actually, I lost all my memory due to a car accident." He'd grown used to saying the explanation.

"Eh? That's no fun." Miyagi sighed. "Tell me, how's Kamijou doing? I heard he lost his vision from the Headmaster." Miyagi asked, letting out a stream of smoke.

"You mean Hiro-san?" Nowaki asked, excitement filling him. Hiroki Kamijou. Hiroki Kamijou. Hiroki Kamijoi. He had Hiro-san's full name!

"Yeah, how's he been since the accident? He can't be happy about his resignation. I'm not either, he was the best assistant I've ever had. So sad." Miyagi sighed. "Now I can't bug him about the library incident anymore. He was so fun to irritate, that was one hell of a temper. He must be ten times worse now."

...information overload... That was Nowaki's first thought as he processed everything. Hiro-san was an assistant professor. He had lost his sight? His last name was Kamijou. There was a library incident?

"Excuse me, Miyagi-san. Did you say Hiro-san lost his vision?" Nowaki asked, concern lard through his features.

"Hmm? Yes. Weren't you the first to know? That's why he resigned. You can't teach Japanese Literature if you can't read books." Miyagi said, confused now.

"Sorry, I lost my memories you know, and Hiro-san has gone missing." Nowaki said. He had to find out more, the library incident had especially sparked his interest. It wouldn't be the same if Miyagi told him. He needed to reclaim his memories all by himself.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOO

Sorry guys, that was kinda long and boring. But keep reading, the next chapter is gonna get hot! I promise:) Thank you for sticking through the boring parts!


	7. Chapter 7

Guys... This is an awesome chapter. Seriously. This is like the pride and joy of all my years of living. It's been stacking up to this moment, this chapter. Haha okay, maybe not, but I think this chapter is damn good. I hope you guys think so too! Always looking to improve so please review:) Special thanks to Chaozsama and Iv90046's reviews:) they were really uplifting too me. Also the reviews from my friend shuusetsu! I love all you guys!

**Warning: **Lots of sexual content, if you don't like gay sex then move away. If not, read on! Also, slight spoiler on the manga/anime.

**Disclaimer: **It's my dream to own Hiro and Nowaki, but that will never come true. Sadly I can only imagine their hotness off the pages of manga. Nope, I don't own.

Chapter 7

Library

I was sitting alone at the table, eating dinner provided by Emi when a frightening thought came to mind.

Had Nowaki already found someone new? Somewhere in me had believed it wasn't possible for him to love any other except for me, it truly dawned on me that that wasn't the case any longer.

Nowaki didn't know I existed. He could be touching and kissing another man at this very moment. Telling him that he loves him, that their his whole world.

Tears fell from my eyes, dripping onto my half eaten plate. I stuffed a hand to my mouth, trying to muffle the horrible choked sobs coming from it.

"No, no, no, no, no, no..." I murmured to myself over and over again. There is was, my egotistical personality leading me into lies of how Nowaki would somehow find me. That's he'd love me no matter what.

"Stop it." I ordered myself. "I'm the mature adult who is letting Nowaki live his life." My voice didn't sound right. I stared downwards, my face towards where I assumed my plate was. I tried to choke back the harsh sobs and tears that threatened to put from me.

It didn't work.

Nowaki walked through rows and rows of books. Miyagi had given him the name of the university Hiro-san used to work at. Now he was searching it, looking for any place that reminded him of the so called incident. Searching for another bit of memory.

It was hours after the school had closed, Miyagi had let him in as a special case. He wandered through the rows, trying for anything even slightly familiar. Anything at all, the faintest whisper or the ghost of his past. He passed another row and paused. Nowaki could imagine books spread across the ground, with puddles of water streaked between them.

This was the place, he was sure. He and Hiro-san had once been in this very spot. What had they done? What had happened between them in this very room? Nowaki slid to the floor, closing his eyes. One hand slid to his temple, massaging it lightly. Hazy blurry images were appearing. Slowly, but still making themselves known.

They had been fighting that day, Nowaki had yanked Hiro-san into the library. Trying to keep him from running away. What had they fought about? Hiro-san was clearly upset, yelling with his face flaming red.

Then he'd ran again, sprinting away from Nowaki. Droplets of water flew off his clothing and dripped from his hair. Desperately, Nowaki chased after him. What had they been saying? He still couldn't remember. It was too fuzzy.

Hiro-san was slipping, sliding across the ground before falling. Nowaki leaped out, holding him as they fell. Hiro-san was shoving him away, screaming. Books flew at Nowaki, pounding into him. Hiro-san was yelling, his eyes scrunched shut. What was he upset about? It was clearly Nowaki's fault and that felt heartbreaking.

Now he was trying to explain, trying so hard. Nowaki only wanted for his Hiro-san to understand. Hiro-san's features softened as he listened and he faced away.

"Your the most important one to me, Hiro-san." Nowaki whispered, begging for forgiveness. He'd said that? Hadn't he? It was becoming clear now.

For a second, Hiro-san froze in shock. Just for a second. He grabbed another book, throwing it at Nowaki. Another and another followed not soon after.

"Don't fuck with me, stupid bastard!" Hiro-san screamed. "This isn't a joke!" His tirade continued, each word punctuated with a hard book. Desperately, Nowaki tried to calm him.

"Hiro-san, Hiro-san, Hiro-san." He begged. That's when Hiro-san's energy and anger left him. His hands caught by Nowaki he began to sob. The tide of tears held back broke through, spilling onto Hiro-san's cheeks.

"I love you. I love you, I love you so much." He sobbed, shocking himself and Nowaki. Then he began yelling again. "Dammit, you frickin' bastard! Why'd it have to be you? Why... Why you?" He lowered his head, hair forming a curtain to hide his face. "This sucks."

Nowaki couldn't speak. He could remember the sheer happiness that ran through him at that moment, staring at his sweet lover. Finally, Hiro-san had lowered the high walls protecting him.

"It's probably impossible to say 'absolutely' but I know that... There's no one I'll love more than you, Hiro-san," Nowaki whispered, both of his hands rubbing the tears from Hiro-san's face. The overwhelming feeling of love he had for his Hiro-san was crystal clear. The fear of him leaving Nowaki behind, the lust and love.

He wouldn't let Hiro-san disappear. Not then, not now. Back then he'd been so desperate to quench that horrible abyss of fear. He kissed Hiro-san gently, running his tongue gently along the others. Then it became more passionate. Nowaki deepened the kiss, sucking on Hiro-san's lips and tongue. Eliciting soft moans from Hiro-san, the beautiful creature melting into him. He needed more of that feeling, he had to make sure Hiro-san was his and his only.

He began gently removing the clothing barring him from the soft skin before him. Running his hands against the soft skin underneath, feeling the two erect nubs on his chest.

"Stop... Stop, Nowaki!" Hiro-san said, shoving Nowaki back. Nowaki had been unable to control himself. The image of Hiro-san was too delicious. Those lips kissed swollen glistening in the dark, the half teary eyes that were filled with repressed desire. Two perked nipples pressed against Hiro-san's shirt, showing through the fabric. It was far too much.

Nowaki grabbed Hiro-san's hands, pulling them over his head. He needed Hiro-san. He couldn't wait another second. Nowaki kissed him, touching him everywhere inside that heavenly mouth with his own tongue. Hiro-san's tongue twisted against his and his body shivered delicately underneath Nowaki.

He kissed that perfect skin sucking lightly, leaving little marks trailing down his chest. Nowaki finished opening Hiro-san's shirt, and pressed his lips against one of his nipples. He kissed it, running his teeth and tongue over the pert bud. Hiro-san gasped, a stifled moan at his lips. Nowaki bit against it, just barely pulling and Hiro-san couldn't hold back the soft moan this time.

Giving it one last lick, Nowaki traveled down, kissing everywhere on that beautifully soft skin. Hiro-san was so tantalizingly perfect. Every moan, every shiver and tremble set Nowaki over the edge.

Nowaki's lips met Hiro-san's shivering erect cock. Letting his hot breath roll over it as he watched a pearl of precum drip down the side of that achingly delicious cock. He couldn't take it any longer and neither could Hiro-san.

As his lips slid over the hot flesh, Hiro-san moaned loudly his back arching into Nowaki. Nowaki sucked gently, dragging his tongue over the underside and over the tip. He pressed his tongue against the slit on the head, Hiro-san gasping. His hands weaving into Nowaki's dark hair. He rocked his hips, trying to get closer to Nowaki. Nowaki's head started bobbing, sliding against that hot hard flesh. He couldn't wait, Hiro-san tasted so good. He wanted to taste every bit of the man.

"Nnh... Stop..." Hiro-san managed to moan out, he breathed heavily his chest rising and falling. "Nowaki... That's enough... Nnmh... I'm gonna cum." His voice was beautiful to Nowaki's ears.

"Ah... Nngh! Nowaki!" Hiro-san moaned as he came into Nowaki's mouth. Nowaki rose, swallowing te sweet cum. Hiro-san gasped, embarrassed. As he looked at the cum dripping from Nowaki's fingers and lips, he felt himself begin to harden again already. Nowaki's eyes were blissfully half closed, he looked so content. Licking the cum from his fingers, he stared at Hiro-san, his eyes glazed over.

"Moron! Who'd normally swallow that!" Hiro-san stuttered, looking away from that sultry gaze. "W-What?" His voice trembled as he met Nowaki's smoldering eyes.

"Sorry..." Nowaki said, drawing in. His lips pressed against Hiro-san's ear, licking the skin gently. Hiro-san trembled, melting into the simple touch. "But I seriously can't hold back anymore." Nowaki pressed one of Hiro-san's smooth small hands against his hot, hard erection. They both moaned, aroused for the pleasure to come.

Nowaki pulled Hiro-san's naked body into his lap, cherishing the sounds he drew from the beautiful creatures lips. His hands buried in the brown locks, wet from the rain and sweat. They gazed at each other, Hiro-san's eyes barely open. Still teary, his cheeks stained pink. Nowaki pulled him closer, kissing him while pulling at his hair.

Nowaki's fingers slid into Hiro-san's mouth. His tongue running over them, sliding between them. Nowaki watched, enraptured by the movement. Hiro-san sucked on them, his eyes closed and a humming moan vibrating along the three fingers trapped inside his mouth.

Nowaki achingly hard, moaning at the erotic sight and at the subtle grinding. Hiro-san pressed his ass against the hard member under Nowaki's jeans. He moaned, his voice hot and sounding heavy. Hiro-san pressed against Nowaki, he couldn't stand it any longer.

Nowaki gently pulled his fingers from Hiro-san's mouth, replacing them at his twitching entrance. He slowly pressed into the hole, Hiro-san moaning and pressing down on the intrusion. He moaned, undoing his jeans and pulling them lower in his hips. Freeing the raging erection from his pants, Hiro-san stared down at it. Timidly he placed a hand on the hot member. Nowaki groaned, pushing up against the smooth hand. Hiro-san stroked it, slicking it with precum. He moaned softly against Nowaki's ears, licking the skin ever so lightly. That was more than Nowaki could take.

He positioned Hiro-san higher in his lap and gently pushed into him. Slowly he thrusted up, his cock sliding in that hot, wet cavern. Hiro-san moaned at the movement, his eyes glazed over at the sweet, pleasure inside of him. He tangled his hands into the damp raven locks, nuzzling into Nowaki's neck. Tears were gathered at his eyelashes, threatening to spill. Nowaki was far too good to him.

"Hah... Ah..Nowaki!" Hiro-san moaned, punctuation each of Nowaki's thrusts. Nowaki pulled Hiro-san close, his fingers brushing over each different plane and muscle on the others back. His skin was so silky, soft and pale in the moonlit room.

Nowaki's thrusts became harder, he moaned and panted chorusing Hiro-san. They were becoming so much deeper, Hiro-san gasped out a breathy moan escaping him. His fingers pressed into Nowaki's back, grasping for the last thing that held him from his fast approaching climax.

Nowaki could sense his beautiful lover was close. He thrusted hard into Hiro-san, his hand snaked between them and pumping Hiro-san's manhood. They both moaned, Hiro-san lips running across Nowaki's hot skin. Thrusting up hard into Hiro-san, Nowaki held him tightly as he came. A sultry moan muffled against Hiro-san shoulder. Hiro-san matched him with his own cry, pulling on Nowaki's hair and his own cum spreading across their abdomens. Creamy fluid ran down his thighs and coated Nowaki's hand.

Hiro-san fell into Nowaki, breathing heavily. He half glanced at his lover, his eyes filled with adoration and love for his beautiful Hiro-san. He looked so beautiful tucked against Nowaki's chest. With his hair sopping wet and sweat running down his limbs. He was so beautiful. So breathtakingly perfect and cute as he tried to hide the brimming love from his gaze.

That's when the memory abruptly ended, shoving Nowaki back into the cold reality. He'd been so caught up in remembering the love making he handy noticed one of his hands had creeped into his pants. It was now covered with white cum, somehow the sight only made him feel even more lonely.

"Where are you, Hiro-san?" Nowaki mumbled to himself.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOO

Sooo... How'd you like it? Usually I write each chapter twice, and the first draft of this chapter was HORRIBLE. Seriously boring and stiff sex. I was ashamed I wrote that even for a draft. So I totally rewrote the whole thing, and it came out much much much better:) I hope you guys think it's good, cause I'm actually quite proud of this chapter. Please review! I love any review you guys give me, good or bad:) so write away! Thanks to all of you who have reviewed on earlier chapters:)

... My fingers hurt from typing...


	8. Chapter 8

Hello:) this is another set up chapter, no sex:( sadly, it can't all be sex. I need to move my plot along somewhat too. BUT, be patient and you'll get some hot hot sex next chapter:)

**Warning: **This chapter has zero sexual content, and no horrible language. It is safe for all eyes.

**Disclaimer: ** I don't own Junjou Romantica. Only my imagination.

Chapter 8

Old Friends

* * *

Two and a half months had passed. I found myself going through different stages of depression. Sometimes I was rational and calm, other times harsh and screaming.

I yelled at the empty walls, crying in the silence. When the quietness became too much, I slipped outside.

Spring would upon us any day now, I could smell the freshness to the air. Now was one of those times. The snow was melting, the air growing warmer and warmer. I lifted my head towards the sky, the Sakura trees had just began blooming. I could smell that faint scent of pollen.

Someone tapped me on my shoulder, I hadn't heard their approach due to the soft grass.

"Who's that?" I asked the air in front of me. No answer, just a large hand pressing mine open. Something was placed into my open palm.

"A Sakura bloom?" I questioned, my fingers brushed over the soft petals.

"It bloomed early this year." Sora's voice said from over my shoulder. "I saw you and thought you'd maybe like to feel it. Just a reminder, spring is already here."

I was strangely touched by his words. It was an alien feeling to my usual torrent of emotion.

"Thank you." I said quietly. "Ma-May I keep it please?" I stuttered. My polite tone hasn't been used lately.

"Of course, Kamijou. It's a gift of spring from me to you. " He said, I could hear the smile in his tone.

"You're smiling aren't you, brat." I growled.

"Wow! You're amazing Kamijou," Sora said, awe filling his voice. I shivered, that was a haunting phrase. His lips had once spoken that.

"You're so amazing, Hiro-san." His deep blue eyes were always filled with amazement and adoration. It had always made me blush, my face burning and sarcastic comments dying on my lips.

Why could he always pull me off pace? Even in bittersweet memory, he swept me away. Yet, he was lost somewhere in this same city. Talking, laughing, and living so brightly. The worst part that I wasn't there standing by his side, and he didn't even know it.

"What're you thinking about?" Sora asked.

I froze momentarily. "Just someone I used to know. They don't matter anymore." My voice was falsely cheery, trying to mask my inner sorrow.

"I'm not that stupid. They were obviously important to you, otherwise you wouldn't have lied. You're never that happy, if it was a normal person you'd have just yelled at me to shut up." Sora exclaimed, sulking. I cocked my head towards him in surprise. Did all brats have extraordinary intuition these days?

"..." I couldn't say anything. Sora huffed again. "I'll say one thing. That person was stupid to let you walk away." He then stalked down the sidewalk, his footsteps gliding away.

...Intuition? He couldn't have been a mind reader, could he have? More than a little caught off guard, I petted the silky petals of my bloom.

Rays of sunlight had breached the storm clouds, warming the frozen earth. Slowly it had thawed, letting the world grow again. My spring hadn't come early. The sunlight hasn't breached through the thick clouds and I was left frozen and shivering. I didn't realize that the warm sun was coming my way, and fast.

* * *

Nowaki had seemed to met with another wall. After visiting the library, no major memories had hit him. He'd received a few of Hiro-san bent over the table working, or him flushing red at one of Nowaki's comments. His favorite was of a rare memory of a tiny smile gracing his lovers lips.

Mulling over his dilemma, he had ignored all of Tsumori's invitations of apology and clearly rejected his further romantic advances. He quickly finished the work required at the hospital and rushed home. Lately he'd been leafing through Hiro-san's collection of books.

They ranged from recipe books to erotic fantasies. Nowaki was impressed, Hiro-san seemed very knowledgable. His hand fell on a new book, hidden away on a shelf. Hiro-san must've loved these books, he had three of each. They were all by the same author, Akihiko Usami.

Why would Hiro-san have that many books from Usami-sensei? Was that a normal thing? Maybe his precious Hiro-san knew the popular author. Slowly, surety washed over Nowaki. Nowaki was determined to track down the author.

A week later and a half later, he'd tracked down the authors address, using a mix of fuzzy memories and the Internet. He stood by the door for a moment, afraid to knock. Nowaki could back off now. He steeled himself for the worst and knocked loudly.

What he didn't expect was a small young man with chocolate brown hair and big round emerald green eyes.

"Hello, I'm Nowaki Kusama. I'm here to see Usami-sensei if he is present?" The boy seemed nervous as he led the the giant of a man into the house. Nowaki sat on the couch, waiting.

A tall, silver haired man strode down the stairs. Nowaki stared.

"Ah, you must be Hiroki's forgetful boyfriend. I assume you're looking for him and not my latest novel? It's a beautiful novel about a young boy named Misak-" He was cut off by a screech from the younger.

"Yes, I was wondering if you knew where Hiro-san was." Nowaki confirmed. Usami chuckled.

"I wish you luck, for you're sure to come upon a fight." Usami wrote an address on a slip of paper. "And it would be quite nice if you did manage to mend things with Hiroki. I dislike depressed friends." He handed Nowaki the slip of paper.

"Thank you, Usami-sensei!" Nowaki called out, running to leave the apartment.

"Word of advice, he likes walks in the park." Usami said, settling into his couch and snagging the young man's wrist.

Nowaki sprinted from the apartment and out the door. He was so close.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

That was decently short... Hmm.. Who likes neko fics? I'm thinking about doing one of those next... With Takano and Ondera. That could be fun:) Neko-files has inspired me. Thank you!

Anyway, back to this one. Thanks for all your fabulous reviews. The highlight this time had to be from FujoshiNinjaNumber6 they totally killed me with their review. I a good way. I had to have been smiling for at least an hour after that. Thank you so much! And another thanks to the rest of you:) you're all my inspiration.


	9. Chapter 9

Hey guys, sorry I didn't update yesterday:( I was pretty busy... My apologies. Here is the long awaited lemons chapter. Please, enjoy the story:) AND for those of you that have a deep love of Nowaki, you'll like this chapter. It is all about him, Hiro-san kinda got pushed to the side in this chapter.

**Warning: **Sexual content. Adult eyes only. Also swearing and spoiler alert! super hot scenes up ahead. Read on.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine:(

Chapter 9

Bath Time

Nowaki had walked up to the apartments door many times, but he'd never knocked. It was strange. As soon as he'd walked up to that white door and heard the light sounds of living from with in it, a deep fear had settled in him.

He had started to feel insecure. What if Hiro-san didn't love him anymore? What was he suppose to say to his beautiful Hiro-san? I can't remember you, except for a couple of sex memories, but hey, I wanna work it out. That wouldn't work so well.

There was also the deep concern for his small lovers well being. He hoped Hiro-san wasn't suffering with his new found disability. Maybe he was in pain. Nowaki wanted so badly to be by his lovers side, to help him break through anything and everything that was being thrown at him. He wanted to comfort him, hold him, support him. The question was, did Hiro-san want that?

His heart was in turmoil. Nowaki turned away from the apartment door again. There was still that unquenchable feeling of despair with in him. The only feeling that matched it was the endless abyss of his need of Hiro-san. Now he was struggling to face them. Trying to convince himself that Hiro-san wouldn't be even more hurt by Nowaki's presence.

Nowaki returned to their previously shared home. He stepped into the shower, letting the hot water run over his skin. It pounded over his head, rivulets of water trickling over his face. It streamed down his back, making the skin appear redder from the heat. Had Hiro-san really even enjoyed the time they spent together? Nowaki didn't know.

Nowaki suddenly stumbled, his foot slipping slightly as a scene began to surface in his mind. He grasped at the details of the memory, pulling them from the wide, gray sea.

He sat down in the shower floor as the memory caught hold of him, the water still running over him.

"You don't have lice, do you?" Hiro-san asked, running his hands through Nowaki's dark locks. Hiro-san had finally agreed to bath together. Almost. He was washing Nowaki's hair, Nowaki soaking in the filled tub.

"I do, I just didn't tell you." Nowaki replied sweetly, his wide grin never wavering. Nowaki felt the fingers pause for a moment, then the fingers tightened. With vengeful wrath, Hiro-san scrubbed furiously into Nowaki's hair.

"Ah! I'm sorrryy, it hurts! Oww, Hiro-san!" Nowaki cried out as Hiro-san dug into his skull.

"Don't fuck with me! You bastard!" Hiro-san sprayed water down on Nowaki's soapy hair. "You've been getting pretty cheeky lately."

"That's..." Nowaki shielded his face from the onslaught of raining water. "Ah! Hiro-san, the soap is getting in my eyes! Stop," Nowaki leaped forward standing up and grabbing both sides of Hiro-san's pretty face. He grinned, the tables were turned now.

"Don't tease me too much, Hiro-san. " Nowaki whispered, he pressed his lips against Hiro-san's. A bright red tint flushed across the smallers face. Sliding his tongue into his lovers mouth, Nowaki pulled Hiro-san closer to his naked, wet body.

"Wait! Idiot, let me go!" Hiro-san screeched trying to avoid stepping into the soapy water that was getting far to close.

"It's Hiro-san's turn now!" Nowaki cheered, a ridiculous grin plastered to his face.

"My clothes!" Hiro-san screamed as Nowaki pulled him half into the tub, water splashing onto him.

"We might as well wash them all now!" Nowaki said, pulling Hiro-san even farther in. Now the bottom half of his body was completely soaked from Nowaki's splashing antics.

"I said you could wash my hair!" Hiro-san yelled struggling to remain upright. Nowaki was pulling his shirt undone.

"It's okay, I like washing things." Nowaki said, somehow, to Hiro-san, that grin looked positively evil. That was when Hiro-san noticed his huge lover's half hard cock. His eyes traveled up Nowaki's naked body. Droplets of water ran down his skin. Some streaking down from his wet hair and falling from his jawline. There were tiny droplet across his broad shoulders and falling down the wide expanse of his chest. It trailed down across his chiseled stomach and down to the soft damp curls of his pubic hair. Hiro-san blushed deeply and immediately turned his head to the side. Not looking at Nowaki's face nor his cock.

Nowaki lowered his head and gently licked on of Hiro-san's nipples. Hiro-san gasped slightly at the sudden feeling. His mouth slid over the tiny pink nub, letting his teeth and tongue brush over it. Nowaki bit it, pulling gently on the delicate skin. It grew hard instantly and perked up. He licked it twice more as an apology for the soft nip before turning to the next and giving it the same treatment.

"What the hell? Stop!" Hiro-san yelled. Nowaki's hands were running across his sides, down past his ribs and tugging at the hem of his pants. Hot fingers dipped into the front of Hiro-san's pants. Hiro-san opened his mouth in silent moan. He could feel his nether regions starting to awaken by the butterfly touches.

"You know, Hiro-san, since we got in together it's going to be lots of fun," Nowaki smiled, palming his lovers member. He stroked the half hard dick, Hiro-san catching at each small movement.

"This is not fun!" Hiro-san denied. "Yes, it is." Nowaki corrected, squeezing the opposites cock lightly.

"No, it's not!" Hiro-san panted, a small moan escaped his lips. Nowaki had begun pumping Hiro-san's erect cock. He groaned, his hands falling over Nowaki's as they moved around him.

"Stop it, you bastard." Hiro-san threatened, letting loose a demonic glare. Hiro-san had no luck as Nowaki didn't batt an eyelash.

Nowaki leaned forward over his lover, kissing the soft skin. His check brushed against the soft brown locks he loved so much. Nowaki sucked gently on the creamy skin, watching in awe as it turned slightly pink from attention. He smiled against Hiro-san's soft, inviting skin. Hiro-san was really far too much to handle.

Hiro-san moaned, his voice echoing slightly against the close walls. Nowaki was always entranced by the sounds he elicited from the slim, erotic body that was pressed against him. He could feel Hiro-san tensing up as he neared his climax from Nowaki's relentless pumping. Nowaki's eyes widened, he couldn't have that could he? Sometimes, Hiro-san was far too much fun to bully a little. What could he say? He was a cheeky brat.

Nowaki removed his hands from the slim, hot cock and stroked up Hiro-san's sides. He twisted those adorable nipples, Hiro-san gasping at the sensation.

"Nowaki, you brat." Hiro-san panted, his voice was husky. "I was almost there."

Nowaki chuckled slightly. "I'm sorry, Hiro-san. I'll have to try harder," He faked a sigh, giving Hiro-san's nipples on last tweak before turning Hiro-san to face him.

Red stained across his face. His shirt undone, the edges of the fabric soaked. Water had splashed across his chest and his nipples were rosy and erect. Hiro-san pants were half down, his erection pulled out and standing straight up. Nowaki brushed his fingers against the tip, teasing the slit and wiping precum away. Hiro-san moaned, but made no move to cover his hot erection from Nowaki's eager hands. Nowaki licked the pearly precum from his finger, before stoking a finger down his length and across his balls. Hiro-san delicately shivered, a hand pressed against his mouth trying to contain the sultry moan. Eyes glazed and half lidded, he leaned against Nowaki. His palms pressed against Nowaki's firm chest, Nowaki drew a finger against the slitted head again. Loving the way Hiro-san shivered against him at the light touches.

Hiro-san looked up at Nowaki, lust clouded in his eyes and his mouth half opened in a breathy moan. Nowaki's cock twitched at the sight, throbbing. It had to be one of the most amazing things he'd ever seen.

Nowaki groaned softly, inching off the last of Hiro-san's clothing. Entranced by his lovers silky skin, Nowaki trailed kisses and licks down the hot skin, sweet moans met his ears at each suck and teasing lick.

"Hiro-san," he whispered in a mumble, worshipping the delicious skin set before him. Hiro-san's legs had grown weak from the attention and he sunk down into the steamy water, Nowaki coming half over him.

Both lovers searched the others face as they breathed heavily. Lust, pleasure and most of all love laid unhidden in their smoldering eyes.

"Hiro-san, will you suck me?" Nowaki asked his voice husky and breathless. Hiro-san's cock throbbed at the thought and the barely hidden raw desire.

Hiro-san looked away, his face flushing even darker. "Please?" Nowaki begged.

"Fine," Hiro-san gave in. He rose slightly onto his knees, facing off with the raging manhood in front of him. Hiro-san mouth water at the sight in front of him, though he'd never admit it. Slowly he licked the head, savoring the drops of precum gathering there. He licked down the side, his fingers coming up to brush against Nowaki's balls as he did so. He followed one of the thick veins on the side, earning a moan from Nowaki.

Nowaki watched with half lidded eyes as those soft pink lips ran over his manhood. Those soft devishly pink lips slipped over the head, engulfing him completely. He moaned, threading his fingers through Hiro-san soft locks. The heat and wetness of his lovers mouth was an indescribable heaven, and the sight of the pleasure on Hiro-san's face as he licked up and down his huge cock was unmatchable.

Hiro-san pressed his tongue into against Nowaki's head, slurping at the precum spilling from it. Nowaki shivered at the blissful feeling. Nowaki slowly began to move his hips, pushing deeper into Hiro-san's hot, wet throat. He thrusted in and out of the heated cavern, his cock brushing against the back of Hiro-san's throat. Hiro-san moaned around the stiff member and Nowaki was brought over the top. He desperately held back from cumming inside his delicate lovers mouth.

"Hiro-san, t-that's enough. I want to be inside you now." Nowaki practically purred, his voice throaty. Hiro-san lips came of Nowaki's member with a slight popping sound. Precum coated his glistening lips and the creamy white fluid ran down on side of Hiro-san's chin. For the second time, Nowaki tried desperately not to cum. Cheeks flushed run, cum across his lips and with half massed glazed eyes, Hiro-san was the most beautiful, erotic creature to be seen.

"Hurry up, you cheeky brat." Hiro-san whispered, facing his flaming cheeks to the ground. Nowaki's heart and cock almost burst at that moment. His lover was being agonizingly cute and sexy today. His cock was throbbing and aching.

"Turn around and spread your legs with your ass in the air." Nowaki said, pressing his boundaries with the command. To his surprise, Hiro-san didn't say a word. He slowly faced the wall, crawling on his hands. His ass perked above the water for Nowaki to play with, his knees still pressed together.

"Hiro-san..." Nowaki's voice faded away at the sight. He ran a hand down one of the round cheeks, trailing down a milky white thigh. Hiro-san moaned, his voice catching at the small pleasure. Nowaki slowly pressed the legs apart, spreading them. As he did, his view of Hiro-san's twitching hole came into sight. He pressed his hands into the flesh on either side of the entrance, massaging them. He spread them wider, kissing the skin gently. Slowly he sucked on the delicate skin, the silky skin growing darker fast. Nowaki made kiss marks all over Hiro-san's hips and ass, earning moan after moan from Hiro-san. Nowaki had hit his limit.

He snatched a bottle of condition from the side and poured some across his palm. He coated a finger in the substance and pushed it into Hiro-san ever so gently. Hiro-san moaned, his back arching slightly.

"Nowaki.." He breathed, eyes clouded over with lust. Nowaki pushed the finger in and out of the tiny hole, Nowaki slid another in not long after. He scissored them, a loud moan leaving Hiro-san reverberated in the small room. Nowaki's cock twitched at the sweet sound and he pushed his fingers deeper. Slowly he pushed a third finger in, his eyes widening at the sight of Hiro-san's ass sucking his long fingers in. The soft skin stretched around the three digits so perfectly, Nowaki couldn't contain himself at the beautiful sight. He leaned forward and licked the soft entrance.

Hiro-san eyes flew open at the hot wet feeling at his backside, he moaned at the heavenly feeling. It echoed in the room, he blushed at the sounded yet it only further turned him on. He gasped a moan as something pushed in with those long fingers. Something hot and wet.

Nowaki thrusted his tongue into the pink entrance, along side his fingers. He lapped at the ring of pink surrounding his fingers before pushing in once again. Hiro-san gasped and moaned. Nowaki was utterly intrigued. It was so hot, Hiro-san was sucking him in and moaning at every move he made.

"You're so amazing, Hiro-san." Nowaki whispered, watching his fingers dissapear and reappear from within Hiro-san. He loved the sight of his fingers moving in and out of that beautifully pink hole.

"Nngh... Shu-Shut... Up.. Hah!" Hiro-san managed between breathy moans. Nowaki trailed long kissed down Hiro-san's back, leaving a splatter of dark marks. Finally he ended at Hiro-san entrance, running his tongue over it.

"Ahh! Nngh... Nowaki!" Hiro-san moaned as the hot fingers pulled out of him, he struggled to hold on to that glorious feeling. A hot pulsing member rubbed against his entrance.

"Are you ready, Hiro-san?" Nowaki asked, his eyes drinking in the sight of Hiro-san rubbing his ass against his rock hard member. Slowly, Hiro-san nodded, his eyes pinched shut. Unconsciously he pressed harder against Nowaki's dick.

Nowaki thrusted inside the hot hole in one long stroke, Hiro-san's moan ringing in the room. Nowaki chorused it with his own. He froze for a moment, letting Hiro-san adjust to his huge, heated cock and to keep himself from cumming right then.

Hiro-san nodded the slightest, and Nowaki responded with a slow thrust. Hiro-san groaned as he brushed against his pleasure spot, arching his back. Nowaki thrusted slowly, not going to deep or hard yet.

"Faster..." Hiro-san moaned out huskily. Nowaki could feel himself growing even more hard at the lewd word leaving his lovers mouth.

Nowaki happily complied, slamming into Hiro-san. He thrusted in and out of the tiny hole, crashing against Hiro-san's abused prostrate. Hiro-san was screaming out in pleasure, the room ringing with their joined moans. Nowaki thrusted in to the hilt then pulled out, leaving his tip only barley inside Hiro-san. Moans left Hiro-san's lips as his back arched at the pleasure and white numbness flew through his joints. Slowly and steadily, pleasure overran Hiro-san's body. He could only feel Nowaki's dick pounding into him and the waves of water splashing around the couple. Nowaki was drowning him on pleasure and bliss.

Again and again he pounded into Hiro-san's greedy body, eliciting mewling whimpers and hot, sultry moans. The sounds of pleasure echoed through the room, reverberating inside his head. He stared down at the place they were connected, his eyes glistening and filled with pleasure and lust. It was utterly beautiful and intimate to watch his cock slide in and out of Hiro-san's lithe, slim body. Matching each of his deep, hard thrusts were sweet moans. Hiro-san punctuating their love making with his own sweet song, the tears streaming down his face glorifying it.

* * *

Nobody could match his Hiro-san. Nobody could come close. Nobody sealed the hurt and swallowed it down like Nowaki's lover did. Nobody was half as strong or quite as fragile. How could someone be so loud, yet express his feelings so quietly? Nowaki couldn't find out. He could only wait for the tiny hints and subtle signs that told him the truth. Hiro-san's tiny secret smiles, his sweet blushes, the tears he cried by himself. Nowaki loved every bit of him.

Nowaki rose his head, the water pouring over him now cold. His eyes were slightly teary from the onslaught of memories. He needed Hiro-san. He needed him badly.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I wrote this at one in the morning, so please don't judge if I made some stupid mistake... Actually just kidding, I'm total night owl. That excuse would only work for mornings... Too bad. Anyway! Thank you all for the many reviews:) There is only going to be one more chapter... So this wonderful parade of reviews will be over soon:( that's slightly depressing but it shows how fabulous each and everyone of you is. I give my sincerest thank you's to everyone who has ever followed, favorited, reviewed, read or glanced at my story. It makes me happy and I'm so grateful that everyone has liked it. Until next chapter!:)


	10. Chapter 10

Guys... Here is the last chapter... Sorry it took so long, I had relatives visiting. Anyway. Thank you for reading. I love you all! I think I might cry... Just kidding, I don't really usually cry. One recent fic I read did make me cry though. I was kinda embarrassed actually. Anyway.. Here we go!

**WARNING: **smut smut smut:) you know you love it!

**DISCLAIMER: **Not mine:(

Chapter 10

Spring Tides

I woke up with the scent of Sakura blooms wafting through my house. I imagined the small petals brushing against my window and falling to the soft ground below. It was somehow a serene and comforting thought. A small drop of light in my dark, dark world.

I needed to hold on to that feeling. Slowly, I rose from bed, banning thoughts of self pity and Nowaki from my head. I decided today would be a happy day, free from worry and sorrow.

Emi had organized my clothing so I'd never be unmatching, so I had no worries as I pulled clothes from my drawers.

Breakfast was easy. Store bought muffins and orange juice. No attempts at blind cooking. I couldn't see that ending well. I slid on my shoes an grabbed my seeing eye stick. It always remained by the door, leaned against the frame.

Judging by the uncrowded streets it seemed to be quite early still. Sleep seemed to be getting shorter and shorter everyday since I'd last seen Nowa- I forced myself to stop that train of thought. No thinking about painful subjects.

It was especially quiet in the park today. Or was it night? I assumed it wasn't by the chirping birds. The breeze blew gently, brushing against my hair in feathery touches. The truly stunning thing was the scent laced through the fresh air. It was a cocktail of freshness and warmth, brimming with fullness and vitality.

Sakura trees were shedding their blossom petals in the gentle wind, lacing the sweet smell across the sky. It mingled with the rich tones of the warm earths scent, a hint of mellow, growing grass hidden beneath the stronger smells. It was the epitome of a spring day. I could imagine gleaming, soft light falling over the beautiful blushing trees, the many flowers glistening in the glow of light.

I vividly remembered what those flowers looked like. How they seemed to shine as they fell from the high branches, tumbling into the dirt. Yet, they were most beautiful as they flew across the sky. They covered the green grass, they stretched over the opaque surface of the fountains.

A forbidden fantasy came with it. Beautiful Nowaki, the petals batting at his hair, tumbling across his skin. A small serene smile tugged at my ghost's lips. I imagined them moving to form a word, his eyes sparkling and gleaming with affection. "Hiro-san." Bitter sweet torture I'd given myself.

Unwanted and forbidden tears streaked down my cheeks. That bastard, he had it easy. He would never feel the pain I felt. He'd never remember the man called Hiroki Kamijou. Bitter sweet torture. I was so happy he didn't remember me, yet so resentful he didn't.

I couldn't stop the tears as they rolled down off my face. Uncontrollable sorrow pierced through my soul once again. I wish he was here, I wish he was gone. I love him, I hate him. Never remember me, don't ever forget me. Jumbles of thought crashed down in my head. I turned my head towards the heavens and wept. Letting the soaring petals be my blanket, and my personal icy world my refuge.

* * *

Nowaki walked over to Hiro-san's apartment. Overwhelmed with nervousness and eager for the sight of his loved one, he slowly walked to the apartment door. Today would be the day, he'd knock on that door and finally talk to Hiro-san.

An oppressive wave of loneliness had suffocated him over the last few days. Nowaki couldn't take it anymore. He needed Hiro-san, so very badly.

The elevator dinged, revealing Hiro-san door across the hall. Nowaki took a deep breath and strode to the door. He knocked, shifting his feet nervously. There was no sign of life behind the door.

He knocked again, "Hiro-san?" Nowaki called through the door. "It's me, Nowaki... I wanted to talk..." He was met with silence. He glanced at the security pass code numbers at Hiro-san's door handle. Hiro-san always used the same numbers for his codes. 5738, he punched them in, a green light flashing as he pushed the door open.

Nowaki walked in hesitantly. "Hiro-san?" He called out, gently. Maybe his lover was still sleeping, he never had been a early riser. Morning sex had never been on the table. Nowaki wandered through the empty house, meeting the empty bedroom at last. Only crumpled sheets and a cold bed remained in the room. Disappointment crashed down o Nowaki. Where was Hiro-san? He tossed the question around in his head. The park. That's where Usami-sensei had suggested.

It was secluded from the general public, only the locals frequenting. It was quite beautiful and lovely in the small paradise, he'd been there upon occasion. It was also by where Nowaki had caught a glimpse of Hiro-san passing on the streets. Energized by the new thought, Nowaki sprinted through the streets.

He weaved pass the crowds, shoving away from angry pedestrians. There it was, the little burst of beautiful, serene nature. Nowaki ran through the gates, glancing over the grassy field and walk ways. It was empty, Nowaki could feel the tide of the gigantic gray sea lifting over him. He let his excitement fade. Hiro-san wasn't here.

Nowaki walked through the park, strolling on the cement walk ways. He watched the Sakura trees slowly let go of their petals, following the blooms as they gently drifted to the ground. He entered one of the parks small groves and froze.

The most beautiful creature was standing under the falling petals. Hiro-san. A torrent of emotions was splashed across that beautiful face, tears marking his cheeks. His eyes were pale, a milky scar running through and another running across his eye lid on the other. His irises and pupils had faded to softer colors, a barely tinted brown and a white gray.

The demolition of Hiro-san's eyes in no way marred his beauty, in fact, in Nowaki's eyes it had grown. His Hiro-san was always the most beautiful of all people. He stared at the man in front of him is dismay. Frozen in awe at the lovely sight. Hiro-san.

At that moment, Hiro-san face turned up. The falling petals brushed against his cheeks and held on to his tears. They gently landed across his hair and clothing. The sweet tears were unrestrained, brimming over and tumbling across Hiro-san's skin. Nowaki was stunned, he'd thought his memories were fabulous, nothing compared to the real sight though.

Hiro-san was so vivid, so alive and colorful. Nowaki couldn't hold back any longer. He sprinted to his lover, Hiro-san's head turning towards the sound of foot steps.

Nowaki pulled the stunning creature into an embrace, holding him to his chest. "Hiro-san, Hiro-san, Hiro-san," Nowaki murmured against his ear, his lips pressed against the warm neck of his lover. Then to his ear, then across both eyelids.

"Nowaki?" Hiro-san breathed, his voice trembling. "What're you doing here. Nowaki could feel him quivering in his arms. Still, Hiro-san couldn't hide the surprise, joy and fear racing through his face. Then the shame, and more fear.

"I came because I love you." Nowaki simply replied. Hiro-san face flushed a brilliant red.

"You're such an idiot. How can you love a blind old man." Hiro-san scoffed, quickly regaining his normal tone. Inside, he was dying. How could Nowaki still love him? Was it real? Hiro-san didn't dare to hope so.

"Hiro-san? Old? Cute is more like it." He grinned cheekily. "You have no idea how many fantasies I've had about you." They were slipping easily back into their usual banter. Hiro-san was the one who broke it.

"Nowaki. Just go away, you don't deserve someone like me. I'll just burden you." Hiro-san whispered. Desolation written across his features. Nowaki ignored him.

"I can imagine it. I'll hold your hand where ever we go, leading you to place to place. I'll read to you at night, your head on my chest. Everyday I can pick out your clothes and cook your food. It'll be perfect." Nowaki said, nuzzling against those brown locks.

"Don't be an idiot!" I growled. "I'm not anything impressive anymore. I'm not a damned professor and I probably can't even hold down a real job. There's no way I can ever hold your interest! I'm better off breaking it off now." He was starting to get choked up, forcing the words from his mouth.

"I don't like that at all." He pouted. " I've always wished to take care of my Hiro-san completely. Please? Let me?" He begged.

"...No." Hiro-san deadpanned.

"If that's what you really want, I'll let you go. But please tell me, will you love me forever? Even if I can't remember much." Nowaki stated, his voice sounding strange to Hiro-san's ears. He stroked Hiro-san's soft brown locks, letting his fingers trail down to the soft skin on his neck making Hiro-san shiver slightly. Hiro-san pushed his face against Nowaki's shirt, making little wet marks on the fabric.

Out from Nowaki's chest came a tiny voice. No more than a ghost of a whisper. "...yes... I love you." That was all Nowaki needed. He squeezed Hiro-san tightly.

"Let's go to your home." He whispered, his voice thick with emotion.

"Huh? I thought you said you'd let me go?" Hiro-san said, hesitantly, regretfully.

"I lied." Hiro-san knew a cheeky grin was splashed across the younger's face.

"Bastard." Then he was being pulled along, sprinting though the falling blossoms. It was almost exactly like the day of the accident. Except for two things, Sakura blossoms fell from the sky instead of snow and Hiro-san hand tightened around Nowaki's instead of letting go. He wouldn't let go, never again.

Nowaki pulled them through the crowds gathered on the busy streets. Hiro-san didn't notice the stares or whispers, he could only feel the heat of Nowaki's hand and the sound of his breath. He didn't know where they were going. He didn't care, he would follow Nowaki anywhere.

Nowaki's heart was beating wildly. He finally pulled Hiro-san into the apartment building, guiding him into the elevator and pushing the button for Hiro-san's floor. They were both panting as their feet finally came to a rest inside the moving elevator. Nowaki tilted Hiro-san's head up with a finger.

Hiro-san had such perfect lips, pearly pink and always so soft. He pressed his own against them gently, hearing a slight whine from his lover as he did so. Tears were gathered at Hiro-san eyes. It was entrancing.

The elevator opened with a ding, and Nowaki led them across the hall, punching in Hiro-san's password. He stepped inside, pulling Hiro-san in after him.

"Nowaki.." Hiro-san murmured. His head pressed to Nowaki's shoulder, breathing in his sweet scent. Nowaki's heart broke at the gesture, how could Hiro-san make him fall so hard?

Suddenly, Nowaki picked Hiro-san up, bridal style. Hiro-san's arms wrapping around his neck, his face pressed to the crook of Nowaki's neck. He brushed his lips against the skin there, loving the warmth. Spring had finally come for Hiro-san, the shining rays of light piercing through the clouds of darkness.

Nowaki carried Hiro-san to his bedroom, his face buried into Hiro-san's hair. The soft brown locks tickling his face as he brushed his lips against them. Slowly and gently, he laid Hiro-san on his bed, his own body over Hiro-san's.

"You're so beautiful." Nowaki murmured, his eyes dashing over every detail of his lovers body. The pink tainting his cheeks was so tantalizingly beautiful. Nowaki pressed his lips against the color, trailing over his nose to the other cheek.

"Nowaki... Don't ever leave me... I need you." Hiro-san begged. Tears were glazed over his eye lashes as he pressed his eyes closed. Fingers brushed against Hiro-san cheek, down his neck, across his chest and down to his thigh.

"Never. I love you, Hiro-san." Nowaki promised, his voice low. He slowly unbuttoned Hiro-san's shirt. His breath catching at every inch of silky smooth skin that was revealed by him. Once the article of clothing was fully open, Nowaki kissed it. He nipped at Hiro-san's collar bone, licking and kissing along the curve. He took his time traveling down. Licking around Hiro-san's sensitive nipples, each one if the pink buds perked up to met him.

He mouthed one, sucking on it and running his teeth over it. He teasingly traced around it, making Hiro-san gasp and moan at the achingly sweet movements. Nowaki kissed it again, sucking on it and pulling gently with his teeth. He ran his fingers over the second nipple, pulling gently on it and massaging it with his fingers. Hiro-san was arching into the touch, his fingers tangling into Nowaki's hair. He moaned, his body was so sensitive to the needed touch. Nowaki rose from Hiro-san, sliding his shirt over his muscles and throwing it to the floor. Hiro-san laid gasping on the bed, breathless. His eyes were half closed, so glassy yet full of life and excitement. He raised one hand in the air towards Nowaki.

"Nowaki... I need you." He breathed, his voice just a ghost of a sound. Nowaki stretched his hand over his lovers, pulling himself closer so that it rested over his rapidly beating heart. "Hiro-san," Nowaki whispered, his voice trembling at the name. He trailed kisses over Hiro-san's stomach, his tongue dipping into his naval earning a deep sultry moan from Hiro-san. He sucked on the inside of Hiro-san beautiful, silky thighs. Marking them with tiny bursts of color, licking over the soft skin there. Hiro-san fingers brushed against him, just a butterfly whisper across his skin.

Both their breaths were heavy. Desire in every touch, every moan and gasping breath. Every tremble and fleeting look. Hiro-san gave a shaky breath, turning his flaming cheeks towards the sheets.

"Nowaki... I wa-want to taste you," Hiro-san whispered. Nowaki couldn't breath. Hiro-san NEVER said anything like that. Ever. Nowaki didn't move, he only laid back against the sheets waiting for Hiro-san. He didn't want to hurt his pride by helping him when it wasn't needed.

Hiro-san shakily moved forward. His fingertips brushing over Nowaki's skin. Slowly, they fall to the edge of Nowaki's jeans, tracing them until he reaches the button. With trembling fingers, he unbuttons the pants and unzips them. Nowaki lifts his hips so Hiro-san can pull them down, completely sliding them from Nowaki's body. Hiro-san and Nowaki's breath both hitch as Hiro-san pulls the hard member from Nowaki's boxers. Hiro-san lowers his head, all while tracing the veins and grooves on the stiff member. He licks it, moving his tongue up on the side and across the head. Nowaki moans softly, threading his fingers into Hiro-san's soft, damp locks.

Hiro-san pushes his tongue into the slit on Nowaki's head, teasingly stroking the sides of the thick cock. Nowaki moans again, this time louder. He watches as Hiro-san's tongue dances across his cock, swirling around the head and slicking over the sides. Then Hiro-san takes it all the way inside his mouth. Nowaki's hot member brushing against Hiro-san's tongue, his precum dripping down his throat.

Nowaki moans as Hiro-san lets out a tiny humming pleasureful sigh at the taste of Nowaki's hot precum. That's what brings Nowaki almost over the edge. He thrusts his hips into Hiro-san mouth, the head of his cock brushing against the back of his lovers throat. Hiro-san gags at the sudden motion, pulling up right as Nowaki cums.

Cum splatters across Hiro-san's face. The warm fluid dripping down over his lips, dripping into his half open mouth. It drips from his hair, then white semen hot against his skin. Nowaki gasps.

"I'm so sorry, Hiro-san. I didn't mean to I promise." He apologizes. He's feeling hot again, his dick rising into the air. Hiro-san beautiful face, covered in his own cum. It was stunning, erotic, breathtaking. His cock was already aching again, rock hard. Hiro-san face was bright red, the color contrasting from the milky white cum. Nowaki slowly wiped it from Hiro-san's face. Secretly enjoying the smears across Hiro-san's bright cheeks. Then they grew even darker.

"I said I wanted to taste you." He mumbled, Nowaki straining to hear him.

"What Hiro-san? I couldn't hear you?" He questioned. Hiro-san didn't say it again, he grasped onto Nowaki's hand that was cleaning his face and brought it infront of him. Hesitantly, he licked the cum from Nowaki's fingers.

Nowaki couldn't move. Watching his lovers tongue swirling over his fingers, his own cum covering Hiro-san's face and tongue. Even more, the look of pleasure in Hiro-san's eyes as he tasted Nowaki's cum.

Nowaki's dick throbbed. It was a deep purple by now, he could feel the blood pounding through his member. He couldn't last any longer.

"I'm sorry, Hiro-san. You're far too much, I can't wait any longer." Nowaki said, his voice husky and hot. Hiro-san moaned at the sound, his mouth still licking at Nowaki's hand. Nowaki pushed Hiro-san down onto the sheets. Loving the whimpering mewl elicited from those cum covered lips. Cum still covered his face, dripping onto his chest, a splattering over one of his nipples. It was so beautiful, so alluring. Nowaki almost couldn't breath.

He reached over the side of the bed, taking out the lub he always kept in a pocket. He spread it over his fingers and cock, moaning at his own touch and at the blushing Hiro-san. He pressed two fingers into Hiro-san, Hiro-san pressing back against the long intruders. He moaned loudly, he breathed hard at the feeling. It had been so long since Nowaki's last touch.

Nowaki wasn't able to take it slow today. He'd never been so turned on. Seeing Hiro-san writhing under him and moaning at his slightest touch, his own cum covering the silky skin. He mentally apologized to Hiro-san as he lined his member up with Hiro-san's tight hole, removing his fingers.

In a single thrust, Nowaki pushed himself inside Hiro-san. Hiro-san screamed a moan at the intrusion, his back arching off the sheets and his cock pointing towards the sky.

"Hah... ah... No-Now-ah-ki.." Hiro-san moaned, his voice echoing in the small room. "Love y-you.." He moaned, his eyes pinched closed in pleasure coming from Nowaki's cock.

"I love you, Hiro-san." Nowaki whispered, his lips pressed to Hiro-san's ear. He steadily began to move inside of Hiro-san, gettin harder at the wet, hot tightness of Hiro-san and his delicious moans and writhing body. He began to move faster, slamming into Hiro-san. Breathy moans filled the room, the bed creaking at Nowaki's rapid movements. He sucked on Hiro-san's neck as he thrusted and thrusted, biting on the soft skin. He left trails of red and purple skin across Hiro-san's neck and jaw line, Hiro-san moaning in to every open kiss. Nowaki groaned as Hiro-san tightened around him at a particularly hard thrust into that tight bundle of nerves hidden inside Hiro-san. His thrust became even harder, each time almost popping out of Hiro-san hole before slamming back in, his balls slapping against Hiro-san's ass. He grabbed onto Hiro-san cock, pumping it hard with the precum that had dribbled down the side. Spasms wracked through out their bodies as they both came. Hiro-san screaming a moan as cum spurted from his head, covering his thighs and cock. Nowaki groaned at the sudden tightening, thrusting deep into Hiro-san before cumming inside that hot ass.

Nowaki slumped across Hiro-san, falling on his lovers cum covered body. They laid there for a few moments before Nowaki rose, meaning to remove himself from inside Hiro-san. A hand grasping his arm stopped him.

"...once more?" The tiny shy voice said, shaking. Even though unseeing, his eyes were turned downwards, peeking from behind the lashes. Nowaki's cum still was splashed across his cheeks and nose, though not covering the magenta colored blush. Nowaki could instantly feel himself hardening again, Hiro-san moaning at the feeling of Nowaki inside him.

"I love you, Hiro-san." Nowaki breathed, nobody could compare to Hiro-san. Nobody at all.

Their second round was quicker. They were both exhausted, yet still sexually high as Nowaki thrusted into Hiro-san again. His moans rung throughout the room, his fingers dancing across Nowaki's skin. Nowaki moaned into the soft touches, loving Hiro-san's curious fingers.

He pounded into Hiro-san. Coming closer and closer to cumming. Hiro-san's hand curled around his own cock, stroking it as he climbed to his oncoming climax. He came again, semen coating his hands. Nowaki groaned. Hiro-san tightened around his cock so hard, keeping him from cumming. He pulled his dick out from his lover, spilling his essence across Hiro-san skin for the second time that night. It splattered across his torso. Hiro-san moaned softly at the feeling, almost passed out from the excessive lovemaking. Nowaki fell by his cum covered lover, pulling Hiro-san on top of his own body. He ignored the cum covering the sheets and their own bodies as they pressed together. Without prodding, each lovers arm wrapped around the other.

Nowaki could feel the tides of the sea of gray shrinking from his mind. He still couldn't remember, but it would eventually comeback to him. He was sure of it.

On the other side of the embrace, Hiro-san sighed in pleasure. This was the sun he'd been aching for. So bright and warm. It stretched through any storm to warm his heart. Spring had indeed come.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Thank you all for reading! I appreciate every review you give me and every follow and favorite:) Last chapters reviews were the BEST! My favorites were from shuusetsu and hiyokocchi, god hers/his made me laugh so damn hard:) totally made my day! So please drop a review and let me know how you like the ending:)


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